True Love Is Letting Go
by Haina
Summary: Bittersweet S+T. Angst heavy but with a happy ending. Sakura and Syaoran gets married and Tomoyo realizes that Sakura had known all along...
1. Truth

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Disclaimer: I do not own CCS or any of its characters. This is a mere piece of Fan Fiction and I do not lay claim on any of these characters. All copyrights go to the rightful authors.

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True Love is Letting Go

Chapter 1: Truth

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By Hally Dang

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She survived.

She couldn't believe it herself. She had survived the 5 hour event that she had been dreading about for as long as she can remember. And now it's over. Over and done.

She can't say she was glad for them. Nor can she say that she was sad. She was content. As long as she was happy. Drawing in a deep breath she dropped the cherry blossom bouquet at her feet. And collapsing into her hotel bed, she was tired.

But her mind would not rest, would not stop thinking. Things seem to be happening so fast. It still feels like yesterday when she was chasing after Sakura capturing her every moment on tape. That was her joy, to be able to see her laughing and smiling. Her happiness had always been hers. Because, back then, Sakura was hers. Hers to worry about, to look after and to love.

And she wonders.

Can Sakura's happiness be hers still? After all, Sakura is Syaoran's now.

The question haunted her. Sent shivers down her spine. What will she be without her?

Nothing. Yes. She will be nothing. Sakura was her light, her reason, her very essence. And now…

She is nothing.

Void.

Without her knowing it, tears were streaming down her cheeks. She wiped her eyes with the white sheets, only to find more tears to blur her vision. Getting up, she headed for the bathroom. 

The cold water felt refreshingly good against her skin. She looked up into the mirror. Her black hair was a mess, her amethyst eyes were even red from crying. And her white bride's maid grown was stained with a mixture of tears and make up. 

Bride's maid. She was the maid of honor at Sakura's wedding. 

Suddenly she had an urge to forget everything. To forget the wedding, Sakura, Syaoran, everything.

She struggled out of the white grown and prepared a shower. Jumping into the lukewarm water she let it soak her. 

She wanted to get wet. She liked the feeling of water running down her body. She wanted to wash away her troubles. Rinse away the memories. Rid of pains and heartaches.

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The phone rang.

She quickly warped a towel around her hair and hurried to pick up the phone. "Hello?" She wondered who would call her at this hour.

"Tomoyo?" A bright voice chimed on the other end. "Is that you?"

Her heart jumped at the sound of Sakura's voice.

"Yes, it's me." She replied.

"You sound weird. Are you okay?"

"Of course I am, Sakura." She reassured her. "But never mind me, what about you? It is your big wedding night." She tired her best to put up a good show for Sakura. She prayed that Sakura wouldn't suspect anything is wrong.

"I know!" Sakura squealed. "I just can't believe I'm finally Mrs. Li! How long have I waited for this day?"

"Long enough." She said quietly. "I think I better let you go Sakura. I don't think your husband would appreciated if I kept you" --- _I can't hold you this way anymore_ --- "on the phone."

"It's okay, Syaoran's in the shower." She paused. "You know, I just called to see if you are okay…" Sakura trailed off.

"I'm perfectly fine." She insisted but something in her stirred.

"After all these years…I just wanted to know if this wedding was just…too much…"

Her heart sank.

It felt like the world was collapsing on her.

She was falling.

And the world was spinning.

Faster and faster.

"Tomoyo? Are you still there?"

Sakura knew. She had known all along.

"Yes, yes I'm here." She managed to choke out.

"Yeah…so I guess I just wanted to let that out…"

"I understand Sakura." That was all she can manage. She was still in shock. How could of she had known? Her masks were always perfect. She always put up a flawless show. She had always thought…

"Syaoran's back!" Sakura hushed quickly. "Got to go."

"Bye."

"Before you hang up Tomoyo…"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I…wh…"

"Maybe not in the way I love Syaoran. But I love you."

The phone clicked.

And there was silence from the other end. 

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She was still sitting dumbfounded on the bed with the phone in her hands. Her face blank and motionless. After all these years the truth was finally in the open. How hard had she tried to keep the reality away from everyone, but in the end she had failed.

She just couldn't figure it out. How in the world did she found out? 

Perhaps it was better this way. 

No more need for secrets. 

No more need for hiding.

But now it hurts even more. 

She was crying again. Tear after tear was rolling down her cheek. Everything she had ever dreaded was happening today. Everything. She felt like the ground was giving away and she was falling into a bottomless pit helplessly. No matter how hard she tried to climb up, she couldn't. She was trapped in a world where everything was falling part. 

She wanted the pain to stop. She wanted a way out of everything. 

She got down on the floor, leaning her back to the bed hugging her knees. And she cried her heart out.

Before she knew it she was in the bathroom with a razor blade in her hand. She wanted to let everything out.

Carefully she made a small cut on her inner arm.

And she watched the blood ran down her wrist. 

Watched it drip down to the sink carrying with it all her troubles and agony. 

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AN: Oh God! Did I just write all that?!?!? *ducking for cover as everyone starts to throw rotten tomatoes* Please forgive my angst ridden first chapter. I don't know what gotten over me. @_@ 

I promise there will be a happy ending to this already tragic and dark fic. (LOB: I hope you are happy, you Evil Person) I welcome flames, so if you want to tell me that you hate me for making Tomoyo a psychotic 'cutter', please do.


	2. Collision

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Disclaimer: I do not own CCS or any of its characters. This is a mere piece of Fan Fiction and I do not lay claim on any of these characters. All copyrights go to the rightful authors.

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True Love is Letting Go

Chapter 2: Collision

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By Hally Dang

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She woke up suddenly by the alarming sound of the telephone. She pulled the white sheet from her face and tired to shake off the dreadful hangover. She stared at the ringing phone wondering if she should pick it up. Her head throbbed.

Tomoyo, automatically decided that she doesn't need more things to worry about, so she left it untouched. She hoped the caller, who was probably her boss wondering why she haven't come to work for the past three days, would eventually stop bothering her. An amusing scenario came to her as those thought entered her mind. She can almost picture her grumped face boss yelling at her one Monday morning, when she finally got the strength to go to work. He would ask her why she wasn't at work for the past week without a notice. She would look at the floor and say in a small voice, "I had some personal problems."

But then, of course, her boss would yell, "Personal problems? What can possibly be important enough to you that you skipped a week of work?!?" She would be reluctant to answer. How can he ever understand it all if she told him that she had just discovered that her life was falling apart and that she feels like dying. Her boss would probably decide to send her to a psychologist.

For a moment the thought was surprisingly entertaining to her.

But again it would be nice if she can finally talk to someone about her problems. She can finally let it all out.

She would have someone to confide in.

Without realizing it, a single tear rolled down her cheek.

She was lonely. 

Another tear escaped.

She was hungry for someone to complete her void heart.

She cried into the sheets.

She was yearning for a place where she can belong.

Why haven't she realized that earlier?

The phone continued to ring. The loud ringing was annoying her. It amplified the throbbing in her head. She stared at the phone again and cursed the caller silently under her breath.

"Leave me alone," she muttered, but the ringing prevailed. Finally she gave up and went to pick it up, "Hello?"

A teary sob traveled through the receiver. It startled Tomoyo.

"Sakura? Is that you?" she asked the caller. She couldn't make out the exact reply from her married friend as it would brimming with sobs. "Are you all right?"

"Not me…" a small sniffled answer came. "Syaoran…" Sakura choked on the last word.

Suddenly forgetting all her troubles, Tomoyo sat up abruptly and hugged the phone closer to her ear to improve the quality of the muffled words. "Syaoran, okay, what about Syaoran?" she asked worried.

"He's…" Sakura's sentence was interrupted by another wave of sobs.

"He's….?" Tomoyo questioned further trying to squeeze the rest of the words out of her. 

"He's…" Sakura later managed.

"What?" Tomoyo coaxed her. A very bad feeling came over Tomoyo; whatever Sakura was trying to say wasn't good.

"C-can you please come h-here..?" Sakura choked.

Without a thought Tomoyo replied, "Of course. Where are you?"

"Hong Kong G-general Hospi-t-tal."

"Hospital?" Tomoyo asked in astonishment. "What are you doing there? Is everything alright?"

"Please… j-just come, Tomoyo."

"Okay, I'll take the next flight out of Tomodea," Tomoyo agreed; her worry about her friends overcame even her own depressing mood. "I'll be there soon. Don't worry."

"A-alright," Sakura said, with an inaudible goodbye the phone clicked.

Tomoyo took several deep breaths before placing the phone back to the receiver. All the information was a little too much to take in. The whole situation seemed so surreal. It was like a really bad dream.

She dug her fingernails into her hand, hoping the pain would make her come to her senses. 

She sat still for few minutes to regroup herself. She decided that she would have to stay strong for Sakura, something must have happened to Syaoran. Sakura would need all the support she can get, so Tomoyo would have to do her best to keep Sakura together through whatever she's going through. Tomoyo ignored all the protests a part of her was giving her and pushed aside all the throbbing pain of her hangover. 

Tomoyo dragged out her suitcase and threw in a few article of clothing. She pulled on first thing she found and headed out. She hailed a taxi and made a call to the Tomodea airport on her cell phone while telling the taxi driver to hurry up. She didn't care how much she was hurting inside, Sakura needed her and she _have_ to be there for her. 

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It seemed like a lifetime before she finally arrived at the Hong Kong General Hospital. The massive white complex was buzzing with people and cars. She looked worriedly out of the window. During her flight, a million thought must have been though her mind. She made about a thousand scenarios of Syaoran; perhaps he broke his leg in his training; maybe he had a sun stroke? She prayed that everything was okay.

"Miss?" the taxi driver suddenly asked her, looking at her through the mirror.

"Yes?" she said to him clumsily in Chinese.

"Where would you like me to drop you off?" he asked her.

"Um…?"

"There are five building in the HK General Hospital," he explained. "Which one would you like to go to?"

"The main building, I suppose," Tomoyo told him quickly and continue to look out the window at the unusually hectic hospital grounds. There were doctors and paramedics everywhere; there were three ambulances were parked at the second hospital building; something big must have happened. Her heart sank.

"There was a huge highway accident this morning. A lot of people were hurt, the hospital must still be busy with all the wounded," the driver informed her.

Tomoyo give him her full attention as they took a right turn. Her eyes widen as the words sank in.

The driver studied her worried expression through the rear view mirror. "Oh," he realized, "your friend was involved in the accident… I'm sorry."

Tomoyo swallowed hard and nodded. Her whole body went numb.

They came to a stop. "Here you go, Miss," the driver told her. "I hope your friend is okay."

"Thanks," her voice was hoarse. She picked up her small suitcase and headed into the chaotic hospital.

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"Tomoyo!"

She looked toward the sound of the voice. "Sakura!"

The auburn haired girl rushed to her. "You made it."

"Of course," Tomoyo replied as the other girl took her into her arms. Tomoyo noticed Sakura's swollen red eyes. "Is everything all right?" 

She had already guessed the situation, but she still wanted to make sure. Maybe, just maybe Syaoran wasn't in an accident at all. 

At those words Sakura burst into tears. Tomoyo helped her into a chair as she continued to cry, she kneeled down to see her hunched face. "What's going on?" she tired to keep her voice as perfectly calm as possible. She place a comforting hand on Sakura's shaking shoulders.

"S-s…" Sakura choked between sobs.

"Syoaran? Yes? What?" Tomoyo coaxed her own voice rising in question and uneasiness.

"He was hurt in the accident," a clear voice stated from behind. "He suffered from extreme trauma and internal bleeding. He's currently in surgery."

The words took a few seconds to sink in. Tomoyo turned slowly to face the speaker. Her glaze was met by a pair of cold blue eyes. Even if this distressing moment; his face showed no emotion, no compassion. 

"Hiiragisawa," she suddenly recognized the stolid man. He was just as she had remembered him. The same icy sapphire eyes and void countenance filled only by either amusement or pure confidence. 

"I'm surprised you remembered me, Daidouji," he remarked, a tint of amusement was in his voice.

"This is no time for your amusement," she snapped. "Syoaran is seriously hurt."

"Of course," he said coolly. "What in the world was I think? You will have to excuse me." He somehow made his apology sound like a tease.

Tomoyo shot him an acid stare. They were never well acquainted with each other. Tomoyo turned back to Sakura.

"I'm so sorry, hon," she said quietly. She wrapped her armed around the shaking girl. "Syoaran is strong. You know that. He'll make it."

Sakura nodded weakly, obviously the comforting words did not help. "It was all my fault, Tomoyo," Sakura finally whispered.

"What?"

"We were fighting. I got mad at him for…" Sakura's wet emerald eyes welled up. "The last words I said to him were…" her words once again dissolved into sobs.

Tomoyo tighten her hug. "When people are angry, they say stupid things. That's no reason to hate yourself." Her words had no affect on Sakura.

"It was an accident Sakura."

The words caught Tomoyo by surprise. She turned to watch the impassive man.

"It was out of your control," he placed a hand on her shoulder. Tomoyo stared at him with astonishment. 

For just a slight moment Tomoyo thought she saw passion in his cold icy eyes. Perhaps under his formal business suit there laid a person untouched by the influence of the renowned Clow.

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AN: I would like to clear up a few things about this chapter: first of all, **this is not a E+T**, I just can't resist putting some in [I'm a HUGE E+T fan, however this is not a E+T piece.] and expect some more coming; second of all I'm don't really know what I'm going to do with the Syoaran situation, it all depends on where I want to take the story; third of all get ready for some major angst in the upcoming chapters. And oh yes, this chapter as well as the rest of the story might be somewhat AU.

Please review everyone and thanks for reading.


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